What do you think it's like to be shot by a friend? By a family member? By a subordinate at work? What do you think it's like to be held hostage by such a person? Do you think it's torture? Terrorism? What makes a terrorist? The man who systemically abuses his wife over the course of a ten year marriage, repeatedly beating her, sticking a gun in her face, threatening to destroy the engine of her car, threatening to kill her and the children if she leaves him? Threatening to kill himself if she leaves? Is this man any less a terrorist than Dzhokhar Tsarnaev? Is he less a terrorist because he's white? Is he less a terrorist because he's employed by a police agency? Is he less a terrorist because she is afraid that he will kill her if she 'destroys his life' or 'destroys his career' by reporting his abuse? What makes a terrorist?
I lived this with two men. The first one didn't really have a good handle on psychological abuse, moved too fast, and I managed to get out pretty much unscathed. The second was brilliant when it came to psychological torture, breaking someone down, and making them into his favorite possession. Not quite brilliant enough to get me to stay, but it's taken me ten years to get over this enough to talk about it, to write about it, to admit that I was one of 'those women'.
From my perspective, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev was an absolute failure as a terrorist. He only managed to kill three people, a record broken by a guy who shot up his family in Illinois this morning. He injured a lot, but not as many as a corporation in West Texas. The property damage in Texas is worse, as the property damage in the Astral Natural Gas facility in Alabama. I'm more afraid of Corporations in this country than terrorists. I'm more afraid of the police than terrorists. I'm more afraid of having relationships with men than terrorists.
I do have to say, there are good men out there. Andrew Wilson, I love you. Thank you so much for being who you are. Leo L. Allard, Jr., Jack Winkler, Daniel Chainer Davenport, Daniel Jarosch, Danny D Mills,Dominique DaMon Block Sr., Chiu Lo, George Takei, Sir Patrick Stewart,Christopher Shaw, Marcus Shaw, Leo Allard III, Luke Allard, John Howard Fenn-Pocock . These aren't in any particular order. If you got left out, and you're a good man, I didn't do it on purpose, there are just so many of you out there. After all this, I still believe that most people are good.
That doesn't make Dzhokhar Tsarnaev any less of an amateur. This guy doesn't need the death penalty, he needs counseling. With 1 in 4 women being sexually assaulted, abused, tortured by intimate partners, we really need to rethink our priorities and attitudes on what 'terrorism' is.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Work in Progress
It's been about eight months since the project was conceived. A germ of an idea that started to ripen as I worked as a nurse at a jail here in Oklahoma. The revolving door was in full swing, and seeing the same people over and over with their same sad stories really started to get to me. Talking to the inmates started to give me a picture of what was going on. There were so many hopeless people in custody. It is reminiscent of those pictures of people in Eastern Europe in the 50's and 60's. People who have lost all hope that they can have any kind of better life than the one they're living.
It's sick.
Criminal Justice in the United States isn't justice for anyone. It's not justice for the victims, because really, incarceration in this country is simple vengeance. One might feel good about putting someone who murdered a family member away for life, or someone who raped their child, but people want to believe that inmates who were using drugs or robbed a gas station are going to get their act together and magically turn into a productive member of society once they get out of prison. Unfortunately, nothing could be further from the truth.
There are a few great success stories out there. For inspirational purposes, I'll hype a guy here. Michael Santos (http://www.MichaelSantos.com) served his time. He's out. He's successful. He is, however, still under supervision by the courts, and still having to deal with not making his own decisions about where he can live and other frustrating issues. Also, he's still having to spend hours of time waiting for appointments with probation officers who wander off on vacation and don't leave word, waiting for hours at the office because people forget appointments, or simply are running late. I can only imagine his frustration because I was in the Army. Nothing else really applies.
On the other hand, if you talk to an inmate or former offender long enough to get their confidence, eventually you'll hear from them a quiet rage. Sometimes it's not so quiet. Sometimes it's terrifying in it's intensity. People who have been railroaded into prison and lost half their lives there over a laughably insignificant amount of drugs will eventually tell you how angry they are. Maybe not in so many words, but it will come out.
Hearing the same story over and over changed me in a fundamental way. I lost trust in the law, I lost trust in the system, and I started to wonder what it was that would help people in this situation. There was only one way to find out, and that was to ask. When the question was asked, overwhelmingly my offender friends would tell me that education and being able to get a job was the only way out of their situation. I found myself advocating for education, encouraging these guys (and girls) to get their high school diplomas (there was a program at the jail), and trying to find places that they could work when they got out.
Sadly, many of them didn't even attempt when they left jail. They continued on the only path they knew, which was going back to what they were doing before they got arrested. Only one guy contacted me after getting out of jail, and I was able to help him find a job. There were some unfortunate, unforseen circumstances that ended with him back in custody, but I am hopeful that they'll get straightened out soon.
My friend, though, is supportive of the program that we're trying to start. In a basic sense, we want to start a holistic residential educational rehab center. The program will last up to three years--enough time to help the residents obtain a high school diploma, vo-tech training, and get a job. Included in the program will be counseling, mentoring, and a twelve-step program. Our eventual hope is that we will be so successful that people will be sentenced to us instead of to prison, and that we can assist people in their abilities to get out of the situations that so often tie them to an endless cycle of recidivism.
Thanks for reading. If you're interested in helping out, there are a few areas I could stand to have some good volunteers. If you're in the Oklahoma City Metro, there's a good chance once I start getting grants that you'll start getting paid. If you're interested in being a corporate sponsor, please get in touch with me. Again, thanks.
It's sick.
Criminal Justice in the United States isn't justice for anyone. It's not justice for the victims, because really, incarceration in this country is simple vengeance. One might feel good about putting someone who murdered a family member away for life, or someone who raped their child, but people want to believe that inmates who were using drugs or robbed a gas station are going to get their act together and magically turn into a productive member of society once they get out of prison. Unfortunately, nothing could be further from the truth.
There are a few great success stories out there. For inspirational purposes, I'll hype a guy here. Michael Santos (http://www.MichaelSantos.com) served his time. He's out. He's successful. He is, however, still under supervision by the courts, and still having to deal with not making his own decisions about where he can live and other frustrating issues. Also, he's still having to spend hours of time waiting for appointments with probation officers who wander off on vacation and don't leave word, waiting for hours at the office because people forget appointments, or simply are running late. I can only imagine his frustration because I was in the Army. Nothing else really applies.
On the other hand, if you talk to an inmate or former offender long enough to get their confidence, eventually you'll hear from them a quiet rage. Sometimes it's not so quiet. Sometimes it's terrifying in it's intensity. People who have been railroaded into prison and lost half their lives there over a laughably insignificant amount of drugs will eventually tell you how angry they are. Maybe not in so many words, but it will come out.
Hearing the same story over and over changed me in a fundamental way. I lost trust in the law, I lost trust in the system, and I started to wonder what it was that would help people in this situation. There was only one way to find out, and that was to ask. When the question was asked, overwhelmingly my offender friends would tell me that education and being able to get a job was the only way out of their situation. I found myself advocating for education, encouraging these guys (and girls) to get their high school diplomas (there was a program at the jail), and trying to find places that they could work when they got out.
Sadly, many of them didn't even attempt when they left jail. They continued on the only path they knew, which was going back to what they were doing before they got arrested. Only one guy contacted me after getting out of jail, and I was able to help him find a job. There were some unfortunate, unforseen circumstances that ended with him back in custody, but I am hopeful that they'll get straightened out soon.
My friend, though, is supportive of the program that we're trying to start. In a basic sense, we want to start a holistic residential educational rehab center. The program will last up to three years--enough time to help the residents obtain a high school diploma, vo-tech training, and get a job. Included in the program will be counseling, mentoring, and a twelve-step program. Our eventual hope is that we will be so successful that people will be sentenced to us instead of to prison, and that we can assist people in their abilities to get out of the situations that so often tie them to an endless cycle of recidivism.
Thanks for reading. If you're interested in helping out, there are a few areas I could stand to have some good volunteers. If you're in the Oklahoma City Metro, there's a good chance once I start getting grants that you'll start getting paid. If you're interested in being a corporate sponsor, please get in touch with me. Again, thanks.
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